airline captain was breaking in a new, blonde stewardess. The
route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so
upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best
place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the
day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up
wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone,
sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You
can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in
here," she cried,"one is the bathroom, one is the
closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not
doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a
Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the
plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of
the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot
grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had
better jump, and then he bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The
doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so
I must live," and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the
smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also
grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've
lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole
life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and
live in peace."
The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said,
"Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just
took off with my back pack."
couple of drinking buddies, who are airline mechanics are
in a hanger at the San Francisco airport. The runway is
fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to
the other, "Man, have you got anything to
drink?" The second guy says, "Nah, but I hear
you can drink jet fuel, that it will kinda give you a
So they do drink it, get smashed and have a beautiful
time...as only drinking buddies can do. The following
morning, one of them wakes up figuring that his head will
explode if he gets up. Nevertheless, he gets up and is
surprised to find that he feels good; in fact, he feels
great ....no hangover! The phone rings. It's his buddy
asking him how he feels. "I feel great!" he
says. His buddy agrees, saying, "I feel great too!
You don't have a hangover either?" "No," he
replies. "That jet fuel is great stuff...no hangover.
We ought to do this more often." "Yeah, we
could, but there's just one thing." "What's
that?" "Did you fart yet?" "No."
"Well...don't, cause I'm in Phoenix!"
ON THE SUN
Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the
moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to
be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the
American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn
up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied,
"We're not stupid, you know. We're gonna do it at
IT DOES TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST
at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners, military
jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum
velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent
incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test
the strength of the windshields. British engineers
heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high
speed trains. Arrangements were made,
and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked
as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed
into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to
smithereens, blasted through the control console,
snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded
itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow
shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results
of the experiment, along with the designs of the
windshield, and begged the US scientists for
suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo:
"Thaw the chicken."