Travel Jokes

A BLONDE STEWARDESS

An airline captain was breaking in a new, blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried,"one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"
A SMALL PLANE
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."
The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."
AIRLINE MECHANICS
A couple of drinking buddies, who are airline mechanics are in a hanger at the San Francisco airport. The runway is fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?" The second guy says, "Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, that it will kinda give you a buzz."
So they do drink it, get smashed and have a beautiful time...as only drinking buddies can do. The following morning, one of them wakes up figuring that his head will explode if he gets up. Nevertheless, he gets up and is surprised to find that he feels good; in fact, he feels great ....no hangover! The phone rings. It's his buddy asking him how he feels. "I feel great!" he says. His buddy agrees, saying, "I feel great too! You don't have a hangover either?" "No," he replies. "That jet fuel is great stuff...no hangover. We ought to do this more often." "Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing." "What's that?" "Did you fart yet?" "No." "Well...don't, cause I'm in Phoenix!"
BLONDES ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're gonna do it at night!"
SOMETIMES IT DOES TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."